Life in the Slow Lane

(Hint: For more information on my travels and even a few pictures, jaunt on over to serapio's blog. He has had the time, patience, and digital camera to upload more than I have.)

There are some things that you don't realize you miss until you find it necessary for you to do it again. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense for you to miss them. But I've realized in the last few weeks that I've missed hanging laundry on the line (especially sheets) and I've missed the warm humidity that turns to rain without warning and I've missed sitting on the back of a little motorcycle, holding all sorts of things balanced between me and the driver. It is odd how these things stick with you.

Today was Christmas here in the Slowlane. Last night we went walking in Recife Antiguo and looked at all of the Christmas lights, which are still up, and the New Year's lights, which have just recently been put up. Then we drove home in the rain with enough time before bed time that we could stuff stockings. We were a little short on stockings this year (read "none at all") and so we borrowed a few from a friend who already had made good use of hers this year and then we made the rest. It is amazing what you can do with a two-liter soda bottle and some tissue paper. You can't quite make it look like a sock, but you can make a very festive receptical that can hold all sorts of goodies. We were also a little short on wrapping paper this year (read "just enough to make two-liter stockings and to wrap three gifts") so we made our gift wrap with printer paper and crayons. I saw several people sneaking their gift wrap in amongst their presents so that it would avo...

Eight people are staying in a house. There is one bathroom. 1) How soon before I get a drink of water should I get in line at the bathroom? 2) If waking up in the morning causes everyone to break out in sweat, how frequently will people want to shower? 3) If there are eight people who, on the average, want to take 27 showers between them, how long will it take them to get out of the house in the morning? (Hint: the answer is sometime after 8 pm.) 4) If two more people are joining them, should we outlaw drinking anything more than two teaspoons of liquid a day? (To clarify, there is another toilet available, it just requires finding the right key out of 25, unsticking a door, unlocking a padlock, fighting off a rat dog that can't make up its mind about whether it is a kangaroo or a cat, skirting around a large van, wading through a patch of weeds, dodging a load of laundry hanging to dry, unsticking another door, and figuring out where the toilet paper is stashed. Only the brave and...

A couple of days ago, I had the occasion to attend two Brazilian formaturas. Think kindergarten graduation meets coming out party meets colonial era formality meets small town party. I have collected a few descriptors so that you will never have occasion to roll your eyes at another graduation ever again. 1) All female kindergarten graduates wear elaborate white dresses. It is what you might find flower girls wearing in the US. 2) All of the males wear suits. 3) Each graduate is escorted by another small child in even more elaborate dress. 4) They progress up to a stage where they receive a hat, a ring and a kiss from the escort while their names, their parents names, and the escort´s names are read aloud. 5) They are presented with a doctorate in letters. (In other words, they learned to read.) 6) After the three and a half hour ceremony with incongruous displays of odds and ends, everyone retires to the party area where each child has their own table with their own elaborate cake, re...

Most buses in Recife are easily recognizeable as proper city buses. They may have broken glass on half a dozen seats or they may have a driver who is trying to make up for being behind schedule after having made stops to buy lottery tickets and snacks and to catch up with old friends. But for the most part, city buses look like city buses. Every once in a while, however, there is a route that supplements their buses with a VW bus. Perhaps you have been inside of a VW bus before and perhaps you've noticed, as I have, that they can fit nine people snuggly. So what do you call it when the bus stops and my sister and I are passenger numbers 15 and 16, not counting lap children, groceries, etc.? The man in charge of collecting the fare, opening and closing the door, and calling out the stops to potential passengers, stepped down from the bus, sizing up our rear ends, calculating the space available and the space required. (Just as you might decide how to fit another plate and bowl into ...

1) Install back up lights or warning noises or something to seats in airplanes. This would drastically cut down on bruised heads (sleeping with your head on the tray table in front of you is one of the most comfortable positions in an airplane), pinched toes (sleeping with your legs draped over a partially open tray table is also one of the more comfortable positions), and general unhappiness on an airplane. 2) Require all airport personel to travel to a country where they do not speak the language. 3) If step two is followed, it will diminish the need for this, but either a) teach airport personel that yelling "boarding pass! boarding pass!" louder and louder and pointing here and there and swearing is not, in fact, productive or b) teach them how to say "boarding pass" in half a dozen of the world's most spoken languages or c) have a sample boarding pass that they can point to. In two separate airports, on two opposite edges of the US I was immediately present...

And so I pack my bags for my fourth summer this year. I am contemplating the following strategy: I will flip through all of my pictures of the previous summers I have had this year, and then I will just pack whatever I see in the pictures. The only problem comes when I come to something that should have received an honorable burrial two months ago. Oh yeah... I don't think I ever took a picture of myself with my toothbrush. I'll have to remedy that this summer so that next summer I can implement my new strategy.

Well folks, the deed is done. The wedding dress only required a dozen or so on-the-spot alterations. We were able to go without the helium balloons and the bride still managed to float down the aisle. For the reception, it was decided to shed the hula hoops so the bride could have improved mobility, but due to the course of events, I'm wondering if maybe I should have made the hoops a little more permanent. I was ambushed. I was chased down and ambushed by the bride even though she was carrying her six foot train and her bouquet. Of course, my way was a little impeded since I was at the front of a crowd of single women, aged two and older. So yes, I "caught" the bouquet with about the same amount of effort as you might catch a cold after you've taken vitamin C, echinacea, and lots of water. Imagine my efforts in trying to explain that one to the on lookers. An eight year old: "I thought she was supposed to throw it." The volunteer caterer: "Just keep in...

Only a three year old boy would have Teletubbies dance in the pre-show of his monster truck jam.