Life in the Slow Lane

For those of you who ever plan on having children, educating children, having nieces and/or nephews, or ever working with children and those of you who like to read, used to like to read, wish you liked to read now, or wish you wished to like to read, you should all make sure to read Jim Trelease's "The Read-Aloud Handbook." It is amazing. I've only read chapter three so far, but chapter three alone is worth getting the book. I mean, did you know that Robert McCloskey who wrote "Make Way for Ducklings" used real ducklings for his models? He bought them and then fed them red wine so that they would slow down enough that he could draw them. And that is just one little portion of this excellent chapter in what I have heard is a most excellent book. A very inspiring read.

Playing dress up with a girl and playing dress up with a boy are two radically different things. With girls you can choose from princess dresses and tutus and crowns and high heels. With boys you choose from safari gear, police uniforms, cowboy hats, and pirate eye patches. (Did you know that pirates are the good guys?) With girls you walk around dragging your doll behind you. With boys you shoot each other and imaginary bad guys and hand out tickets if you are a policeman and make them go to the blank if you are a pirate. This doesn't surprise me overly much. After all, girls are made of sugar and spice and boys are made of puppy dog tails and snails. But the thing that surprises me the most is something that is shared by both little girls and little boys: the insistence that I put on one of their pint sized costumes. They don't seem to understand that what barely fits them will never, ever fit me. Make-believe may turn me into a vicious law abiding pirate, but it won't ge...

Nothing like a few comparisons to make you feel old. A woman who sits behind me in one of my classes has to be younger than me, but she has been married and divorced and had to fight for custody of her child. "I really regret my marriage," she says. Today, a five year old informed me that her mother is one year older than me. She has an older sister and three younger siblings. Any day now I guess I can start wearing floppy purple hats and carrying a potted plant in my purse, since obviously I can now apply for quirky spinsterhood.

Today we will observe a moment of silence in honor of the greatest technological advancement of our time: the ziplock bag. *insert moment of silence here*

My annoying cat has an absurd way of showing affection. It inlvolves her claws... the full length of them. Alas, it is not only my skin which feels the joy of the claws. I say "alas" because after all, skin heals. Jeans do not. Nor do favorite sweaters. And with or without technological advancement, niether do keyboards. I now am missing a rather vital letter, although I have managed to write this entry without it. The quick brown fox jaunts over the lazy dog.

Sick is the color of mushy apples, muddy floors, and termite trails. Sick is the color of hot car seats and the underside of park benches. Sick is the color of flat soda, stubbed toes, and watermelon seeds stuck to the trash can. Sick is the color of the sun on a day when it gives you a headache just to think about being outside. Sick is the color of missing files, wrong phone numbers and suit cases that won't shut. Sick *cough* is *cough cough cough cough....

Perhaps I am just behind the times, but when I saw this amazing new product, I knew I had to have it. Like they say here I can get rid of my ugly hammer and get this attractive one so that I can incorporate it into my decor. I'm sure it will look fabulous on my bathroom sink.

1) Come up with catchy titles. 2) Blow someone a kiss. 3) Forget to cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough. 4) Decide to start selling Mary Kay. 5) Ask someone to go get you a blanket and slippers so that you can finish your Snood game. 6) Make plans for all of the things you will do before the week is over and then realize that it is already Wednesday and isn't Monday anymore. 7) Pester other people about why they aren't updating their blog every half hour. 8) Conveniently forget that "contagious" does not exempt you from doing laundry, homework, and brushing your teeth. 9) Stare at the computer for hours thinking that if you wait just a little bit longer something interesting will happen. 10) Insist on a list of ten just because everything should end in a good round number.

Here is a miscellaneous collection of cute things I've heard on the job. "I don't have to wash my hands because I used my elbow to flush the toilet." "You're too old to be potty trained." "This tree died, so we are going to plant another tree." "What kind of tree are you going to plant?" "I think a money tree." "What does a money tree grow?" "Money." "I don't need to wash my hands because I washed my hands this morning when we were at the mall." "You're not big enough to know how to read."

Have you read about North Korea's new campaign? You can read about it here . So grow your hair long. Long hair is one more blow against communism.