Life in the Slow Lane

Today the staff of Life in the Slow Lane bestows upon Me of the One Name, the Bronze Pen in recognition of her 500th letter written in the line of duty. *Much Applause and Acclaim* [Begin Acceptance Speech] Thank you, thank you. I couldn't have done it without the loving support of all of you here in the Slow Lane. When I try to figure out what to write to someone who closes their letter with "RESPONSE NOW" or "P.S. Send money." or "I'm up for parole in 2007" it is a great inspiration to know that all of you are here to cheer me on. To know that I have now written more letters in the last four months than many people do in their entire lives... Wow, what can I say? But thank you, it is an honor to be recognized with the Bronze Pen. [End Acceptance Speech] *Please Note: The Bronze Pen does not really exist. However, the 500 letters really do.

To whom it may concern: Please note that if you have subscribed to an automatic email delivery service, you will automatically receive emails. This, in no sense, constitutes meaningful correspondence. As such, it is ridiculous to insist that the organization generating the emails send you money so that you can afford to access the emails in an internet cafe. Sincerely, Me of the one name

After I was hired for my job, but before I showed up for my first day of work, my co-workers set about getting my work station set up. This involved moving a monstrous filing cabinet infamously known as The Cave (who knows what lurks in there?). This also involved trying (and failing) to convince the VP of Administration that a desk larger than a filing cabinet would not be a fire hazard. And then there was a desk chair. I'm not sure of the entire process they went to in trying to purchase a chair for me, because I ended up with a hand-me-down (This wonder-chair bit by bit, day by day, tilts you forward until suddenly you realize that you are about to land on the floor and your neck aches.), but today I was told of one trouble they encountered. They found a really nice Executive Desk Chair in the catalog, but the disclaimer caught them off guard: Not intended for use for periods longer than four hours. Executive indeed.

A tip: When the object of the object lesson involves details on reading material in the outhouse and a comparison between the tarantula in the outhouse and chest hair... the lesson is not one you want to remember.

For those of you who greatly desire to know the proper etiquette for writing letters, let me give you a pointer: It is generally considered very rude to smear blood on your letter. Even seeking forgiveness for the blood smear does very little to restore a right relationship with the reader. So remember, the next time you write a letter and are oozing blood, aim to communicate thoughts, not disease.

"Good afternoon, *name of NPO* how may we serve you?" "Yes, I called a moment ago and you were going to connect me with someone who could help me with a computer for my son, but you connected me to some woman in a hotel room." Yes, folks, I really am that talented. No one else even knew it was possible, but I managed to connect two callers to each other. The same part of me that has me stretch my neck as I drive by an accident wants to know how that conversation went.

One sure sign of real adulthood is the necesity to attend a seminar for work. Admitedly I went to the seminar with less than rosey thoughts. After all, the topic was leadership, and as an entry level, newest-in-the-department employee, I didn't see much purpose in my attendance. It proved to be much less horrific than I thought, and day two actually provided new insights that I can use. But among the many "Let's find out if you learned what we wanted you to learn" questions at the end, was "Have you written a personal leadership mission statement that is understandable to a 12 year old and can be recited at gun point?" Frankly, I doubt that any militant 12 year olds will be interested in knowing my personal leadership mission statement.

My roommate has two bunnies. She likes to let them out of their cages to run around the front "yard", and they like it, too. I think that one of the reasons they like to run around is that they get the opportunity to dig holes under the fence and so race off to bunny freedom. I've tried to avoid any interaction with the neighbors on the issue of these rabbits. For one because, as you know, any hole under a fence has two sides. But also because I hesitate to know what the neighbors think about my roommate's attempts to recapture the bunnies. When your only observation of a person is when they are running around, wielding a broom and alternating threats and coaxing words to a rabbit... Well, you can imagine. But regardless of the numerous times we've had occassion to try to herd a lightening-greased rabbit, we still have two bunnies. And that is because of bunny love. Pepper is a boy bunny and Jackie is a girl bunny. And because my roommate doesn't want Pepper a

You know, it is really hard to complain at work. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that 90% of the people I work with either deal with constant pain or disability or a near and dear relative does. So... um... yeah. I'm covering the reception desk next Friday.

On our webpage we have a section that says "Submit a Question/Comment." The idea is that the enquirer will write out his question or comment and then fill out his name and contact information so that we can reply and answer his question or comment. Perhaps you think that an obvious statement. But aparently not everyone understands this. One man carefully included every detail of his contact information and then wrote "For now no question and no comment." I feel like writing him and saying "For now no answer and no response."

Someone once told me that the way to appease the people was to give them a fountain. Meet the giant brown fountain in the courtyard at work. Because their longtime renters are planning to move out soon, the owners have been working to beautify the grounds. That explains the fountain. But it doesn't explain the carefully planted flowers in the bottom tier of the fountain (we aren't talking water lilies), or the fact that they spent so much time installing a sprinkler system to water these flowers when the plants have been under three inches of water since day two. Somehow the sound of falling water isn't nearly as soothing when it promotes the slow demise of petunias, pansies, and begonias.

Lake Tahoe Originally uploaded by biukalee . I uploaded another six photos from Lake Tahoe, if anyone is interested.

From my very first interview, everyone has told me great and marvelous things about the new building. There will be two kitchens, a book store, break rooms with gorgeous views, libraries where you can sit and read, balconies, and, this was the best part.... every workspace would have natural light. In a big office building, getting natural light to the inner offices is a big deal. This past week we all got a video tour of the construction site. The slow tour showed the staircase that would have two sources of natural light, the reception hall and break rooms that would all be flooded with light and then progressed to the board room on the second floor. The docent very excitedly explained that with the glass along the one side of the board room that you could look down into the large open area on the first floor or even across the way to the Correspondence work stations on the opposite side. And even more thrilled, he went on to say that someone standing in Correspondence could look acr