Life in the Slow Lane

I am issuing a general apology to everyone to whom I have previously said "Well, just remember that the important thing is that at the end of all of this crazy wedding planning, you will be married." The reason I am issuing a general apology is that I am earnestly doing my best to suppress all memories of any specific instances where I said such an absurd thing. Of course, the important thing is that I will be married to SOS, but there seem to be a great many other "the important things". Such as inviting people. Or finding a place to live. Or not forgetting to add oil to my car. Or paying my taxes. I have heard this phrase a lot recently, and my mind conjures up the final scene in Walt Disney's version of Robin Hood where he and Maid Marian ride off in their carriage with everything Happily Ever After The End. I somehow suspect that the closing credits would not roll with such a sense of good will and happiness toward all if you could have seen Maid Marian stu...

Yesterday I received an email with an attached document and the request that I translate it and return it. From the start, I could tell there was some weird vocabulary going on, especially as it dealt with a religious order founded during the Crusades. I hop-skipped-and-jumped my way through the text, translating what I could and trusting that what I could get was sufficient information for their purposes. And then I gave up and went to Google. I thought surely I could get some information somewhere that would help fill in my knowledge enough to make sense of what I was translating, and I did. Wikipedia had a lengthy entry on the subject and I began to read through it until it sounded eerily familiar. On a hunch, I visited the Spanish version of Wikipedia and found almost word-for-word the document I was translating. I work with someone who has become well-known for her answer "Let me tell you about this new thing on the web... it is called Google. Everything is google-able....

And I say that will all humility. We've been registering for home items, SOS and I. And sometime during the course of "is it permissible to register for things like cheese cloth and bathroom soap" it was suggested that maybe we really ought to register for at least SOME tools, as every household needs a hammer and the like. So yesterday found us in Sears with a scanner and aisle upon aisle of tools. Of course, they all look the same to me (except for the new brand that comes with lime green accessories) but SOS actually knew that each tool has a different purpose... and he knew the purpose!! And since he knew what each tool is for, I let him decide what to scan. Along about the third "theetbabeep" of the scanner, I began to revisit the question of what exactly wedding guests would and would not be willing to count as "necessary for starting a home." And then I had a brilliant stroke of epiphany: If not a single item was purchased off this list, I woul...

I'm getting married to an amazing guy.

Today the count-down brought us to 89 days and I thought I would share with you what this particular day looked like for Slowlane the Bride-to-be. 5:55 Slowlane opens her eyes, sees what time it is and closes her eyes. 6:30 Slowlane's alarm clock goes off and in reaching to turn it off, she finds the thermometer. 6:32 Through a highly scientific method evaluating her temperature, how many times she had to open her mouth to breathe during the temperature taking process, and the number and productivity of coughs and the number of kleenexes needed before 6:30, she decides she is well enough to go to work. 6:55 Slowlane sorts through her recent pay stubs trying to find the most recent ones for verification of her income for the meeting later in the day. 7:40 Slowlane remembers why it was she was going to get up early when she gets to the kitchen to eat breakfast and sees a sink full of dirty dishes. 8:06 Slowlane finally leaves for work and sees she missed a phone call from S.O.S. She ...

Friends, countrymen, and far-flung family... Today it is my privilege to publish for you, in traditional slowlane fashion, resolutions for your new year. I realize that this is now the fourth of January and you have four fewer days to fulfill these resolutions (does it make you feel better or worse that I started this list several days before the turn of the year?) but I have endeavored to make them achievable so that you will all come back next year (and I promise that next year won't have the same recurring theme). 1. Using your knowledge of architectural design, draft a blueprint for how you could comfortably install a tropical cruise into your cubicle. 2. Wear a hole in the toe of your sock, and wear it proudly! (Okay, the proudly part isn't necessary.) 3. Plan a weekend with no plans (and then send it in the mail to me). 4. Come up with a better wedding thank-you note generator than this one . (Try it! It is almost as fun as Mad Libs.) 5. Promise to buy a copy of the riv...