The Lesser of Evils

-
With all of the recent advancements, parenting has become a rigorous obstacle course of navigating "How you will ruin and/or neglect your kid today".  Observe:

Task: Wash laundry in laundry room.

Complicating Factors: One twenty pound toddler, a flight of stairs, three doors (one requiring a key), and an absolutely non babyproof laundry room.

Option 1: Leave child unattended in condo while you cart baskets to the washing machines. Hope child doesn't spend entire 5 minutes screaming and banging on door. (Although, at least with this option you know exactly how your child is spending the unsupervised time, as opposed to, say, chewing cords or pulling stools down on his head.)

Option 2: Place child on top of laundry basket and hope he hangs on tight enough for the trips down and up the stairs. Make sure that no one observes your awkward juggling act to keep basket steady while unlocking laundry room door.

Option 3: Allow toddler to come down the stairs on his own and trust that if he slips and falls you will have time to drop the laundry and catch him before he comes to grave danger. Believe intently that he will obediently ignore the lure of sunlight en-route and not wander off to play in the parking lot.

Once inside the laundry room:

Option 1: Place child on top of dryer while accomplishing tasks that cannot be done with baby in tow. Ignore distance to floor... distance to heavy duty electrical plugs... distance to grimy soap scum... and the fact that he is standing up and lurching around to better satisfy his curiosity of all things in the magic world of "behind the dryer".

Option 2: Allow child to play on the floor where he can have plenty of access to monster water heater, ancient trashcan, forgotten cigarette butts, and all things grimy.

Option 3: Corral child in laundry basket and knock him down every time he stands up or otherwise tries to get out.

Option 4: Use laundry baskets to form fence and encourage his "helpful" sorting abilities that includes pulling the lint trap out of the dryer to see if it tastes good and placing treasured toys in its place.

In summary:

If it looks like I haven't washed my clothes in months, just know I am being a good parent.

Comments

Vicki Carroll said…
Well, if it wasn't a 3 hour drive each direction, I would say for you to come and do your laundry here, and I would happily keep an eye on cutiepiebabyboy/toddler. Alas, the distance is daunting. I love you!
7:57 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The "No I" Phone

-
Image
It's a cheap party trick: I pull out my phone, flip it open to check the time or send a quick text, and watch for the reactions. In the decades I've owned a flip phone, people have given me a few double takes. Recently, though, when I opened my phone to squint at a photo texted to me, the person sitting across the conference table surprised me with a "Haha! I love your phone!" And I did, too. I loved my flip phone. Then, in a deadly mistake of distracted domesticity, I scooped it up with my bed sheets and dropped it in the washing machine: Eco Cold, extra spin. Oh gentle readers, the tragedy of beautiful T9 predictive text programming drowned at the bottom of the linens spin cycle! Yes, I lost saved phone numbers, the blurry store photos I'd snapped over the years to double check prices when back to internet access, the text threads with details about addresses and meet-ups... all lost. Sad, inconvenient, annoying, frustrating, all of it. But the biggest tragedy, ...
Read more

Amtrak Adventuring

-
Image
Trying to see it all, 2011 I may never look down the aisle of an Amtrak train without remembering a baby bouncing, holding fast to the seat as the train rocked and bounced even faster. All the world over, trains carry a reputation for efficiency and frugality. That has never been my experience with Amtrak.  The Adventure Begins, June 22, 2011 Thirteen years ago (almost to the day) our little family set out on our first Amtrak adventure. We thought three weeks touring the United States on a train with an infant made so much more sense than the alternative. The alternative being flying or driving (with the same infant) to a wedding in the middle of Cornfieldville, Ohio. Being young and foolish, it made perfect sense. Our baby did not yet sleep through the night, so sitting up in coach seating night after night wouldn't affect our sleep all that much. With a rolling ice chest filled with lunch sacks that prevented us from knowing in advance whether our meal was Option A, B, or C, w...
Read more

The Crazy Market

-
There is a place here in Beijing that I (not so) affectionately call The Crazy Market. Imagine four floors of wall to wall shops, one shop selling the same thing that 15 other shops are selling, all displayed with bright colors and lights and each shop having two or three people who call out "Hello! What are you looking for?" "Hello! We give you good price!" "Hello! How many coats you want buy?" "Hello! We have your size shoe!" (This one makes me want to stop and say "Oh, I greatly doubt it.") "Hello! Nice pearls for you!" If you so much as look at an item, it is immediately assumed that you will buy it and so they call out "What is your highest price? We give you good discount." The only exception to this is the very bottom floor that is filled with every imaginable and unimagineable sea creature and various sea creature parts in various stages of life. This serves as a good aroma which frequently makes its way up t...
Read more