Thoughts on Momming the Work-at-Home Life
This week, my oldest turns 10.
In case you're curious, that statement does funny things to the inside parts of me. It also makes it a decade that I've been a working-from-home mom.
I was enjoying my first maternity leave (still pre-baby), when my boss called, sharing news that had completely rocked the company. In the end, she convinced me to cut my maternity leave short with the promise that I could work from home.
So I did.
Much of my first year of clocking hours while working from home looked like this picture. Notice my tired eyes and the computer screen have both been carefully cropped from the picture.
In fact, much of the reality of working from home with small children (and then adding homeschooling to the mix) has been carefully cropped out of public glimpses of my life. For something that has characterized my life for a decade, I've only written three small blog posts about it... and those all came within the first year.
Well, that isn't completely true. I've written plenty more, but never pushed the little button that brings what I've written out of drafts and onto the published page. Count it as one more way I've cropped the image.
At first, a good deal of cropping came because the whole working-from-home bit was not officially sanctioned by people up the chain of command. But as time went on, I've made sure to keep many other realities out of the picture. (Trust me, no one needs to know when an all-staff meeting includes a category 5 diaper event.)
But in the cropping, some of the good stuff has been left out, too. After all, if there is accepted good coming from the one nationally recognized day to bring your child to work, what of having a year full of such benefits? And not just one year, but ten? (How else would my child be prompted to send fan mail to my co-workers?)
I probably could have continued quite a long time without pulling back the curtain any further on this working-at-home/schooling-at-home/parenting-at-home life, if it hadn't been for COVID-19 suddenly launching quite a few more parents onto a similar trajectory. Suddenly, I became the "old pro" ... as if anyone can become a professional in a role that includes parenting.
So while I don't claim to have any advice to share, on this milestone of sorts, I bring a few thoughts out of Drafts.
It wasn't long, though, before I realized that these uniformly pristine laundry baskets were marketed to amateurs. (Only two high? Ha!)
******
A lot of people are tempted to make their house look as spectacular as they can before hosting, and that usually means an extensive time of cleaning... or hiring a professional cleaning service. Spokespeople of another mindset advocate waiting to worry about a good cleaning until after your guests have left. The idea is that your guests are not going to care that you dusted the baseboards, but they will probably leave a bigger mess than what you want to clean up on your own... when you're tired.
******
I've gone on the hunt for encouraging verses for mothers like me.
I know there's all of those pretty ones that get printed with swirly letters and flowers, but I'm looking for verses more along these lines:
“Now, Lord my God... I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties... give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?” 1 Kings 3:7-9 (NIV)
or
“Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.
7 I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
8 I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm.” (Psalm 55:6-8, NIV)
If I ever go into graphic design, I'll print these verses in block letters, laminate the paper (with my own laminator! I am a homeschool mother after all), and affix suction cups... so much better than writing them in Sharpie on the shower door.
******
Who wore it better?
(Anyone know of a 19th century painter who can touch up that last image a bit?)
******
On the topic of video conferencing and its ancient precursor conference calls:
1) If people don't expect you to do much talking, not only is life much easier, but meetings are, too.
2) Some people play solitaire or answer emails while in meetings. Surely no one can fault me too much if I make PB&Js, dispense band-aids, and wash dishes?
3) Yes, I keep my camera off in video calls sometimes because I'm washing dishes. But far more frequently, it is because of that mysterious magnetic pull all cameras have on children of this modern age.
******
Not long ago, I got a mass email from a website that I sometimes use for stock photos at work. The email was an invitation to submit photos related to working from home, since—surprise, surprise—there was a sudden surge in requests for such images.
Dear Readers, there may be plenty of stock photos of working from home, but stock photos of working from home with children (and work actually happening)? Good luck. Not because, as some would have you believe, working at home with children is impossible. No, it's because "stock" and "working from home with children" is an oxymoron. Unlike Plato's theory of forms, there is no internalized concept of what it means to work from home in the modern age while supervising young children (and maybe even schooling them!). Each attempt is a launch into the unknown.
Besides, photographs of sitting in the garage so you can supervise children while you answer emails? Well, it just doesn't lend itself to compelling compositions. Or maybe it's because the story is just too complicated for one frame.
Whatever it is, I won't be photoshopping any images from my camera roll to picture perfect sharing.
I'll stick to cropping.
In case you're curious, that statement does funny things to the inside parts of me. It also makes it a decade that I've been a working-from-home mom.
I was enjoying my first maternity leave (still pre-baby), when my boss called, sharing news that had completely rocked the company. In the end, she convinced me to cut my maternity leave short with the promise that I could work from home.
So I did.
Much of my first year of clocking hours while working from home looked like this picture. Notice my tired eyes and the computer screen have both been carefully cropped from the picture.
In fact, much of the reality of working from home with small children (and then adding homeschooling to the mix) has been carefully cropped out of public glimpses of my life. For something that has characterized my life for a decade, I've only written three small blog posts about it... and those all came within the first year.
Well, that isn't completely true. I've written plenty more, but never pushed the little button that brings what I've written out of drafts and onto the published page. Count it as one more way I've cropped the image.
At first, a good deal of cropping came because the whole working-from-home bit was not officially sanctioned by people up the chain of command. But as time went on, I've made sure to keep many other realities out of the picture. (Trust me, no one needs to know when an all-staff meeting includes a category 5 diaper event.)
But in the cropping, some of the good stuff has been left out, too. After all, if there is accepted good coming from the one nationally recognized day to bring your child to work, what of having a year full of such benefits? And not just one year, but ten? (How else would my child be prompted to send fan mail to my co-workers?)
I probably could have continued quite a long time without pulling back the curtain any further on this working-at-home/schooling-at-home/parenting-at-home life, if it hadn't been for COVID-19 suddenly launching quite a few more parents onto a similar trajectory. Suddenly, I became the "old pro" ... as if anyone can become a professional in a role that includes parenting.
So while I don't claim to have any advice to share, on this milestone of sorts, I bring a few thoughts out of Drafts.
******
When I was a young mother, someone far more experienced than me commented about how every six weeks I would have a different baby. Babies change so quickly that just as you adjust to one stage of development, poof! Time to figure out something new.
Adding in cross-country moves and the changing landscape of job responsibilities, and I've found there is no sure-fire method of accomplishing the challenges of parenting/working/schooling. Each day is another day to seek that illusive Life-Magic of Tidying Change-Ups.
******
******
Though I can ascent to the truth that any organizational solution will never be perfect for more than a blink of an eye, it certainly hasn't stopped me from browsing organizational deals. One more page of scrolling my search results and I'll find that magic, I tell myself.
Which is how I came upon stacking laundry baskets.
Doesn't that sound amazing?
It wasn't long, though, before I realized that these uniformly pristine laundry baskets were marketed to amateurs. (Only two high? Ha!)
 |
| In my defense, this pile was during the great broken-washer crisis of 2019: the perfect storm of late winter illness, melting mud-slush, and a hard-to-diagnose electrical problem on a washer fresh out of warranty. |
A lot of people are tempted to make their house look as spectacular as they can before hosting, and that usually means an extensive time of cleaning... or hiring a professional cleaning service. Spokespeople of another mindset advocate waiting to worry about a good cleaning until after your guests have left. The idea is that your guests are not going to care that you dusted the baseboards, but they will probably leave a bigger mess than what you want to clean up on your own... when you're tired.
There's also a rising tide of people suggesting that you treat your family like guests. "Show the ones you love how special they are," and all that.
And friends, those two little bits of advice revolutionized my life.
If I save my serious cleaning efforts for after my guests leave, and I treat my family like guests... I can save all the cleaning for when I'm an empty nester!
This epiphany makes so much more sense of that little rhyme, doesn't it?
This epiphany makes so much more sense of that little rhyme, doesn't it?
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrowBut children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.TAKEN FROM "Babies Don’t Keep" by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
And my children-guests certainly don't care about whether the floorboards are dusted or the cobwebs are noisy. When it comes to cleaning, I've found my children to be spectacularly hard of hearing.
******
******
Speaking of guests and hosting and such, you know that craziness of Thanksgiving dinner when you are trying to coordinate approximately 15 dishes so they all are ready at the exact same time?
That's what it's like trying to get everyone and their stuff to the car, only usually the candied yams don't disappear on a detour to catch pillbugs instead of finding their shoes. And now that I think on it, trussing a 20 pound turkey is nothing compared to strapping a 20 pound, uncooperative toddler into the five-point harness of a carseat.
Now you know why I homeschool.
******
I've gone on the hunt for encouraging verses for mothers like me.
I know there's all of those pretty ones that get printed with swirly letters and flowers, but I'm looking for verses more along these lines:
“Now, Lord my God... I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties... give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?” 1 Kings 3:7-9 (NIV)
or
“Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.
7 I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
8 I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm.” (Psalm 55:6-8, NIV)
If I ever go into graphic design, I'll print these verses in block letters, laminate the paper (with my own laminator! I am a homeschool mother after all), and affix suction cups... so much better than writing them in Sharpie on the shower door.
******
Who wore it better?
 |
| Mother with Child, Leon Perrault 1894 |
| Emmie and Her Child, Mary Cassatt 1889 |
 |
| What the Zoom Call Didn't See - uncropped, R. Olson 2020 |
(Anyone know of a 19th century painter who can touch up that last image a bit?)
******
On the topic of video conferencing and its ancient precursor conference calls:
1) If people don't expect you to do much talking, not only is life much easier, but meetings are, too.
2) Some people play solitaire or answer emails while in meetings. Surely no one can fault me too much if I make PB&Js, dispense band-aids, and wash dishes?
3) Yes, I keep my camera off in video calls sometimes because I'm washing dishes. But far more frequently, it is because of that mysterious magnetic pull all cameras have on children of this modern age.
 |
| That very instant when a child of this modern age realizes she's on camera. |
******
Not long ago, I got a mass email from a website that I sometimes use for stock photos at work. The email was an invitation to submit photos related to working from home, since—surprise, surprise—there was a sudden surge in requests for such images.
Dear Readers, there may be plenty of stock photos of working from home, but stock photos of working from home with children (and work actually happening)? Good luck. Not because, as some would have you believe, working at home with children is impossible. No, it's because "stock" and "working from home with children" is an oxymoron. Unlike Plato's theory of forms, there is no internalized concept of what it means to work from home in the modern age while supervising young children (and maybe even schooling them!). Each attempt is a launch into the unknown.
Besides, photographs of sitting in the garage so you can supervise children while you answer emails? Well, it just doesn't lend itself to compelling compositions. Or maybe it's because the story is just too complicated for one frame.
Whatever it is, I won't be photoshopping any images from my camera roll to picture perfect sharing.
I'll stick to cropping.
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