Five Steps To Making This World A Better Place

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1) Install back up lights or warning noises or something to seats in airplanes. This would drastically cut down on bruised heads (sleeping with your head on the tray table in front of you is one of the most comfortable positions in an airplane), pinched toes (sleeping with your legs draped over a partially open tray table is also one of the more comfortable positions), and general unhappiness on an airplane.

2) Require all airport personel to travel to a country where they do not speak the language.

3) If step two is followed, it will diminish the need for this, but either a) teach airport personel that yelling "boarding pass! boarding pass!" louder and louder and pointing here and there and swearing is not, in fact, productive or b) teach them how to say "boarding pass" in half a dozen of the world's most spoken languages or c) have a sample boarding pass that they can point to. In two separate airports, on two opposite edges of the US I was immediately present to witness two such instances of guards yelling at confused travelers. Either it was my lucky day or this happens a lot.

4) Allow the arm rests in airplanes to be fully pushed back rather than the classic 3/4 which hardly serves any purpose at all other than to add more bruises. (And why do aisle seat arm rests not move at all? Do you realize how difficult it is to sit down when the seat in front of you is fully reclined? Only contortionists could make it in and out unscathed.)

5) Smile. (Because I needed five steps instead of four.)

Comments

Damian said…
I was unaware that there were any comfortable positions on an airplane.
11:43 AM
slowlane said…
Comfortable is a relative term, and I believe that most of the ways I have managed to sleep on an airplane would not be as successful for people with longer legs and torso than I have. So perhaps you are just out of luck. But really, next time you find yourself in a sardine can, try my previously mentioned ways of sleeping.
3:58 PM
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