Life in the Slow Lane

Talk about hidden costs... Tuition. Of course. Books, yeah, that, too. Parking. I guess. Health fee? What? Maybe. Student Center fee? Um... Student Representation fee. Excuse me? Sounds like a silly tax. Keep an eye on your tea shipment, is all I have to say. But what in the world is the "materials fee" for my computer class? Time for a history lesson: Several years ago a mistake was made in an order and the college recieved 30,000 (yes, that is thirty thousand) floppy disks. So every semester they give their computer students two disks and a disk container and charge them six dollars under "materials fee". They have enough disks to see them through 2007. Too bad most computers don't even have disk drives any more.

I received my second letter of rejection yesterday. Instead of writing a drinking song like I did for my first rejection, I spent some time with a certain three year old who easily made me forget all of my previous problems. And then I went and sat in a court room for a few minutes. That made me forget even the three year old. But instead of spending the entire day moving from uncomfortable to worse, I ended the day by playing the coolest keyboard I have ever had the priviledge to play and eating some blackberry vanilla cheesecake. When the next rejection letter arrives, maybe I will go straight to the piano and cheesecake.

1) A friend writing to tell me she is pregnant. 2) A check from the government returning money I earned two years ago. 3) Another friend writing to tell me she is pregnant. 4) Bridge Mix. 5) A third friend writing to tell me she is pregnant. 6) A college teacher who gives class time (and provides markers) to decorate name tags. 7) Mail that finds its destination. 8) My first gray hair. (It makes me happy because there is only one.) 9) Pink blogs. 10) Flannel sheets and enough pillows that they get lost in the covers.

Sometimes I, even I, am amazed at how slow life is in the slow lane. How do you get a full time teacher who posts his schedule on his office door but that only has one class listed and NO OFFICE HOURS? How do you get a full time teacher who, to my knowledge, niether occupies his office nor answers his phone? Why does a teacher post a phone number for people to call but not bother to have voice mail? How does a teacher have their email address printed in the current schedule of classes and have mail be undeliverable? I almost feel like I should borrow a horse to go ride out to their homestead to make sure they haven't chopped a tree down on their leg.

Um... So it's the first day of Sign Language and this guy tapes his mouth shut in the first thirty seconds and then waves his arms and screams (with his mouth shut) to get the teacher's attention. Then whenever someone else is using their mouth too much, he waves his arms and holds the tape out to them. Eventually, he takes the tape off of his mouth so that he can tell everyone that they should tape their mouth and also so that he can call the teacher a certain part of the male anatomy. This, of course, makes a few people upset, and a woman says "You know, I had to have it out with someone who wasn't as bad with you last semester, and I'm going to have to have it out with you right now." The teacher, rather calmly I think, says "If you don't like my class, you can go, it's only the first day of class." I'm fairly certain he was talking only to the dork guy, but the woman stands up and storms out of the room saying "This isn...

Several years ago, when Teletubbies first made their infamous debut, I heard a lot of people complaining about them. However, most of what I heard had to do with the purple one with the triangle antenna on its head. I'm not sure what I think about that. All I know is what I think of Teletubbies after watching their exercise video (insert insane scream here). Frankly, I find it surprising that I can think at all after watching it. Insert video. Credits begin. Weirdo infant face in fake flaming sun rises. *Cue brain melt.* Weirdo infant face with two teeth cues weirdly and giggles maniacly. And thus the tone is set. By the time the video is over, you feel lucky that you remember how to hit the power button on the TV. After watching Teletubbies, I feel bad for having ever complained about The Wiggles.

Do you ever start off the week by thinking "Hm... This week looks like a good week to go back to school. I wonder what kinds of classes they are offering these days." No? Hm! Imagine that. Well, tut tut. It looks like School.