Life in the Slow Lane

10. It's Southern California, how cold can it get? 9. I lost my toe nail clippers. 8. I tried buying winter shoes, but the shoe racks are too small to carry my size. (I'd post a picture of my feet to show you how big they are, but your computer screen is too small to display it properly.) 7. How else am I going to open a door when my hands are full? 6. We decided democratically about which shoes to wear, and there are two of my feet, and only one of me. 5. It's such a beautiful day, I couldn't keep my toes cooped up. 4. My feet were playing Survivor , and my toes got voted off the island. 3. Oh, my toes are bare? I guess I stopped feeling them awhile ago. 2. My toe nail polish is so bright, I'm lucky my feet aren't sweating. 1. I do my best thinking when I can study my toes.

There is an empty lot near my place that is a tumbleweed breeding ground. Or so I thought. When I drove by, I would frequently see tumbleweeds that had blown from the empty lot across the street and piled up along the horse trail. I figured there was probably some community group or city ordinance that paid for the occasional removal of the accumulated weeds, because that is the sort of neighborhood I live in. One thing I never could figure out, though, is why so many happened to make their way across the street when it didn't seem that there was all that many on the other side of the street to begin with. And then I happened to drive by while the aforementioned employees were doing their ritual "Remove Tumbleweeds from Horse Trail" assignment. They each grabbed two of the large balls of sticks, waited for traffic to pass, and then carried the tumbleweeds back to their home on the original side of the street.

Give a boy a hammer Originally uploaded by biukalee . This was taken within a minute of the hammer being taken out of its packaging. Yes, this picture is blurry, but it still qualifies as a classic, right?

Today I received Preseasonal Happy Christmas Greetings from my sons and daughters in Liberia. I so very much enjoyed receiving them, that I thought I would pass them along so that others might enjoy this fine greeting as well. So... I greet you with preseasonal happy Christmas greetings!

There is something most wonderful about waking up the morning after a well-lived Saturday and realizing that today is Saturday, too. And then, even better, tomorrow is Saturday as well. And it isn't even Groundhog Day . I say, folks, three cheers for three Saturdays! Hurray! Hurray! Hurray!

Sunset at Big Bear Lake Originally uploaded by biukalee . This picture has nothing to do with Thanksgiving. It is just a cool picture that I wanted to share. So be thankful!

On this, the first day when I am taking vacation time, I thought it fitting to post a picture of my cubicle. This is where it happens, folks, for 40 hours a week, 4 weeks a month, for the last 6 months. Please notice the lovely pillow case in the corner that came with the bedspread . Perhaps now is also a fitting time to announce that this will no longer be my cubicle very soon. I'm moving up! Or rather, I'm moving around. Soon I will be at a desk that will have twice as much desk space, three times as much leg room (I can start bringing my legs to work again!) and no cubicle wall. The desk will be considerably more suited for working, but less suited for showcasing international curiosities. I might actually have to answer that letter sitting on my desk.

When I was little, I had no patience for coloring. I mean what was I going to do with the picture when I was done? It certainly wasn't good enough to be hung on a wall. And if no one was going to see it but me, what difference did it make whether I took time to color nicely or just scribbled on the page? And if it didn't matter if I scribbled, why do it at all? But now, just so you know, there is a newly colored Barbara Manatee next to a completely uncolored Larry the Cucumber, and no one is going to see it, and I didn't scribble. (Or atleast not very much.) If you're nice, I might share my crayons with you.

On occasion (so maybe like twice), in my writing life, I will come upon the perfect set of words. I will be happy they arrived, and continue on with life. But then, sometimes, the perfect set of words will be seen by others, and as they hold them up to be examined, I think that maybe the words are too perfect, and maybe I have actually heard them before and that is why they came so easily. And the fear that I am unknowingly stealing someone else 's words and claiming them as my own, sends me into a panic, and makes me think that perhaps it would be better if I never brought my words out in public. Or maybe the solution is just to wear them for all to see, hoping that someone will recognize them and so have the words returned to their rightful owner.

For months now I have known that I would someday write a post entitled $end Money. I began to keep track of creative ways people had for asking money for that eventual post, but it never seemed quite the right time, because no matter how imaginative the plea was, I always knew that there would be an even better one around the corner, if I just waited a little bit longer. Well, I can put it off no longer. This may become a regular feature, but if, and only if, all of my dear readers promise to not go cynical on me. And so, without further ado: Tried and True Techniques for Requesting Money (Please note: This says nothing of the effectiveness of these methods.) 1. Introduce yourself as a long devoted friend and include bank deposit information. 2. Draw an elaborate picture that includes the caption "Me & [NPO]" only replace the ampersand with $. 3. Ask for money. Then say your house burned down and ask for money. Then say that you need money for a bicycle. Then write agai...

So today I entreat my dear readers to be kind to your telemarketer. Do not hang up on them without saying good-bye. Do not yell at them for just being after your money. Do not treat them like some low-life scum. Because perhaps, just perhaps, the person you think is a telemarketer is actually someone who is just calling to say thank you. Don't think it never happens, because it does. I've got the script and the list of phone numbers to prove it.

Have you ever stopped to marvel at how many useless strings of numbers and letters you have memorized? Yes, yes, at one point it wasn't useless information, as it let you get into your locker, or access your money, or retrieve your phone messages, but now? Not only are we stuck with useless bits of numbers and letters, but we are forever being obliged to think up another one. To access my computer at work, my password must have both letters and numbers, must include punctuation and at least one key stroke has to be made while pressing the Shift key. And I must change it every six to eight weeks. And what I change it to can't have been any of the previous twelve. Its a wonder I have sufficient memory left over for remembering my name (any of them). I do have a name, don't I?

So I've spent way too much time jazzing up this place and now, for some reason, bloglines can't find the updates. If any of you have any hints as to how to fix this, I would most welcome it.

Birthday Flowers (1) Originally uploaded by biukalee . Flowers have special powers. Observe and take note.

I made arroz con pollo tonight that would do Barbie proud. Can we say pink ? Yeah, pink. The advantage is that total prep time was about three minutes. And it tasted pretty good. I just probably wouldn't try serving it to Ken. Or anyone else, for that matter.

Using the same opaque containers to store leftovers and once-frozen milk does have its drawbacks.

I spent money on a book entitled Three Weddings and a Giggle . At one time in my life I would have been embarassed to be caught reading it, much less announcing that I spent money on it. But that was before a day like this . And now... I dare you to comment. I dare you. Because I'm sure that will be enough to send me out to buy the sequel.

Some days I would not be surprised to find out that the oceans are filled with tears. The letters I saw today represent literally thousands of people crying. The floods of Pakistan The genocide of Rwanda The earthquake victims of India The impoverished of Bosnia The cripled of Argentina The aged of Haiti They were all at my desk today, along with many others. Brother Sorrow, Sister Pain Some days I ask for a hedge like Job's.