$end Money. PLEA$E.

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For months now I have known that I would someday write a post entitled $end Money. I began to keep track of creative ways people had for asking money for that eventual post, but it never seemed quite the right time, because no matter how imaginative the plea was, I always knew that there would be an even better one around the corner, if I just waited a little bit longer.

Well, I can put it off no longer. This may become a regular feature, but if, and only if, all of my dear readers promise to not go cynical on me.

And so, without further ado:

Tried and True Techniques for Requesting Money
(Please note: This says nothing of the effectiveness of these methods.)

1. Introduce yourself as a long devoted friend and include bank deposit information.
2. Draw an elaborate picture that includes the caption "Me & [NPO]" only replace the ampersand with $.
3. Ask for money. Then say your house burned down and ask for money. Then say that you need money for a bicycle. Then write again and say that a family member died and you need money for that. Write at least twice a month, always introducing new urgent need and never referring to previously mentioned situation.
4. Announce that you are family. (I never knew I had so many sons in Africa! I've never even been there.)
5. Ask the rhetorical question as to who is to blame if your hope in God is not restored. "Who will be culpable if you do not send me..."
6. Paint a tragic picture of how your life is greatly lacking because you don't own a CD/Cassette player and announce that you are happy just knowing that you will get one soon.


Wait. Stop. Everyone check your cynicism level.

Yep. Just what I thought. I'll have to continue some other time.

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