Greeting Card Writer

-
Did you know that Hallmark is looking for greeting card writers? They have a little PDF exercise you can download from their website to see if you are cut out for the job. The only real problem is you have to relocate to Kansas City.

This set me to thinking. The first thought is: What is it about Kansas City that makes a good writer for greeting cards? Also, I imagine that you could only be a card writer for about 10 months before all of your inspiration disappears and you are stuck writing cheesy poems about flowers and love. Thirdly, I think I want to start my own line of non-cheesy greeting cards. I already have some ideas.

Outside:
The man in the moon smiled in his sleep
The stars by his side dreamed wondrous things
The wind rolled over in its bed, the trees

Inside:
Because they were all too far away to hear your #$!!!!@!###!!!!!!! dog bark all night.
Shoot it or boot it.
Love, your neighbor.

or

Outside:
On the occassion of you making dinner, I'd like to offer you this little poem...

Inside:
Thanks for cooking dinner
With out you, I'd be much thinner
I'd eat what showed up at my door
A scrap of meat and an apple core.

or

Inside:
Congratulations on your new toothbrush!

Outside:
Life should be filled with celebrations, this way you get to celebrate at least once every three months. (Doctor Recommended.)


What do you think? Do I have a future? (If you say yes, I say thank you. If you say no, I will assume you do not wish for me to move to Kansas City, a very benevolent thought.)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The "No I" Phone

-
Image
It's a cheap party trick: I pull out my phone, flip it open to check the time or send a quick text, and watch for the reactions. In the decades I've owned a flip phone, people have given me a few double takes. Recently, though, when I opened my phone to squint at a photo texted to me, the person sitting across the conference table surprised me with a "Haha! I love your phone!" And I did, too. I loved my flip phone. Then, in a deadly mistake of distracted domesticity, I scooped it up with my bed sheets and dropped it in the washing machine: Eco Cold, extra spin. Oh gentle readers, the tragedy of beautiful T9 predictive text programming drowned at the bottom of the linens spin cycle! Yes, I lost saved phone numbers, the blurry store photos I'd snapped over the years to double check prices when back to internet access, the text threads with details about addresses and meet-ups... all lost. Sad, inconvenient, annoying, frustrating, all of it. But the biggest tragedy, ...
Read more

Amtrak Adventuring

-
Image
Trying to see it all, 2011 I may never look down the aisle of an Amtrak train without remembering a baby bouncing, holding fast to the seat as the train rocked and bounced even faster. All the world over, trains carry a reputation for efficiency and frugality. That has never been my experience with Amtrak.  The Adventure Begins, June 22, 2011 Thirteen years ago (almost to the day) our little family set out on our first Amtrak adventure. We thought three weeks touring the United States on a train with an infant made so much more sense than the alternative. The alternative being flying or driving (with the same infant) to a wedding in the middle of Cornfieldville, Ohio. Being young and foolish, it made perfect sense. Our baby did not yet sleep through the night, so sitting up in coach seating night after night wouldn't affect our sleep all that much. With a rolling ice chest filled with lunch sacks that prevented us from knowing in advance whether our meal was Option A, B, or C, w...
Read more

The Crazy Market

-
There is a place here in Beijing that I (not so) affectionately call The Crazy Market. Imagine four floors of wall to wall shops, one shop selling the same thing that 15 other shops are selling, all displayed with bright colors and lights and each shop having two or three people who call out "Hello! What are you looking for?" "Hello! We give you good price!" "Hello! How many coats you want buy?" "Hello! We have your size shoe!" (This one makes me want to stop and say "Oh, I greatly doubt it.") "Hello! Nice pearls for you!" If you so much as look at an item, it is immediately assumed that you will buy it and so they call out "What is your highest price? We give you good discount." The only exception to this is the very bottom floor that is filled with every imaginable and unimagineable sea creature and various sea creature parts in various stages of life. This serves as a good aroma which frequently makes its way up t...
Read more