Last Minute Gifts

A while back I saw a greeting card that had the top ten last minute gifts.

It was stupid.

The second most popular last minute gift, according to them, is something from the garage. The first is anything from last year.

The card was almost enough to prompt me to quote Scrooge, "Humbug!"

Instead I turned my head and politely gagged in the Hallmark aisle.

But after giving this topic much thought over the last several weeks, I have decided that I inadvertently dared myself to come up with a better top ten list. So, without further ado (and hopefully without further gagging) I present:

The Top Ten Last Minute Gifts for Christmas
10) A gift certificate for anywhere (The real gift here is the fact that you stood in line for three hours to buy it.).
9) A gift basket of food that includes pickled pig feet and any item of canned meat. (Okay, you can gag here.)
8) Christmas cookies (especially appropriate as a last minute gift if you rewrap cookies that several others have given you.)
7) A jug of windshield wiper fluid bought at 7/11.
6) The stray kitten that showed up on your door step.
5) Handmade ornaments in which the glue has not yet dried.
4) Giving only a chocolate kiss when you catch someone under the mistletoe. (This is to keep others from gagging.)
3) An I.O.U. (In this case, it stands for Impossible to Oblige yoU.)
2) The comfy chair next to the fire.
1) The promise to clean up after Christmas dinner.

Well, I'm not sure that my list is tons better.

Therefore, the moral of the story is that when it comes to last minute Christmas giving, they pretty much all amount to gag gifts.