The Right Trousers

Someone once told me that a friend of theirs received a package from an anonymous person that contained a pair of pants inside. It was mailed from across the country, yet the pair of pants was the right size and style for this particular person.

Now I consider that to be a great mystery.

But I also consider it a mystery that I wouldn't mind happening to me. Because, you see, playing with children wreaks havoc on my pants. Especially if I have the misfortune to sit down on some unknown substance which then leaves a very unfortunate colored stain in a very, very unfortunate spot.

I may have to consider some creative patch work, but that, too, has its problems.

I say this because I have another pair of pants that developed a hole the size of Montana near one of the back pockets. (Please do not speculate on the size of the pants based on the size of the hole.) My most beautiful sister, in what I thought was a display of pure magnanimous affection, bought me a couple of patches to fix the problem. She got me very pretty butterfly patches. The strange things is, and I can't help but wonder if maybe she planned this, whenever someone sees my pants they stutter a little as they say "You have a butt-butt-butterfly."

Anyway, all this to say, if any of you wants to send me some pants in my style and size, I wouldn't be inclined to stop you.


Anonymous said…
What style and size pants would someone wear if they had chosen life in the slow lane? overalls? plaid bloomers? Does life in the slow lane have style? I think you are expecting a lot from me. You need at least to say what size is appropriate to the slow lane.
slowlane said…
The other anonymous sender of pants wasn't told what size to send. Anyway, I'm not quite sure what size I wear. Women's fashion is such that no one really knows whether a certain size will fit until it is tried on.
Matthew Carroll said…
Of course, there's always the story of the young woman who draped a pair of men's trousers over the foot of her bed and prayed to God that he would fill them for her with a man.

If someone were to anonymously send you a pair of Dockers, would you pray that God fill them?

If that happened, and along came a man who happened to be the right size and style for the Dockers, would you be grateful, or suspicious that he conspired against you?
slowlane said…
Mataikhan- I think it would all depend on the length of time between the pants showing up and the person to fill them arriving. But then again, it might depend on the size and style of the pants.

And if I went out and chose a pair of pants to eventually have filled, how would I make the important decision about what brand and style I should get? If I got casual pants, would that mean he wouldn't ever dress up and if I got dress pants would that mean he wouldn't get dirty cleaning the air filter? It is all very important to figure this stuff out.
caedmonstia said…
Slowlane -- you're onto me.

At least I didn't get you a donkey patch.