Tag

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Nearly a month ago I was tagged by Elena. Now I tag elbereth elentari(because I know she has nothing better to do), The girl with the red hat,(because she needs to have an easy exercise to figure out the idiosyncrasies of her new laptop), and Elsiene (because she needs a second post).

Here are the "questions." Answer five of them, and tag three more friends. =) If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...

My answers:

If I could be a multi-millionaire... I would sponsor billboards with more "q's" "j's" and "z's" to help bored children on long car rides finish games of alphabet hunting. I would celebrate people's unbirthdays by sending them tongue scapers or back scratchers or kool-aid or other miscellaneous and bazarre items. I would create a scholarship for people to attend college and then go get to know the award recipients. I would give money to people anonymously through a post office box in Timbuktu or Kalamazoo or Wallawalla.

If I could be a monster truck driver... I would paint my truck in a nice green and blue plaid and call it the Screaming Bagpipe. And the engine would sometimes sound like a bagpipe and sometimes sound like the car that the Grapes of Wrath have in Veggie Tales and that way I could properly imitate my truck's engine sounds. I would do cool donuts in the sand and jump over lots of cars and school buses and I would do flips and wheelies and I would remember the names of all of the other monster trucks and their drivers and their sponsors.

If I could be an eccentric old maid... I would have a big front yard with lots of rose bushes shaped into a labyrinth and I would keep a supply of chocolate chip cookies and pink lemonade in the middle. I would wear fuzzy slippers and a formal gown out to grocery shop. I would send Christmas cards in June. And I would walk along freeways and rural roads scattering wild flower seeds.

If I could be a Chuck E. Cheese mascot... I wouldn't.

If I could be a despot... I would cut my hair short and make it all stand on end. I would walk with a cane that I could shake at people during my televised speeches. I would get my wardrobe at the army surplus store except for my shoes that I would have specially made to be super comfortable and which I would have paid for out of the country's taxes. I would export athletes and import tropical fruit, and I would always, always have an asistant carry my yippy little dog where ever I went.

Comments

the girl in the red hat said…
Dear Slowlane,
I have a bad attitude today but I am going to answer 3 questions anyway. I can't tag anyone because the only blogs I know are all your family. Also, if you want to be an eccentric old lady, you have to read the poem 'Warning' by Jenny Joseph.
If I were a multi-millionaire, my house would be cleaned everyday. Otherwise nothing would be any different. I was almost very rich once (a person close to me was rather well off on paper until the dot crash) and it really was not fun at all.
If I were a linguist, I would be Noam Chomsky because he can say anything idiotic thing he likes and people still listen. He can show turn up to conferences in jeans and a t-shirt and no one says anything.
If I were a laptop computer, I would not be a Dell.
7:57 AM
slowlane said…
Dear The girl in the red hat,
I am sorry to hear that you have a bad attitude today. Maybe you would have a better attitude if you bought a few more hammers. Maybe a hammer with a floral design painted on it would help even more.
Or maybe you could go into business taking old dinosaur computers around and allowing people to hit them with a hammer for $5.00 a hit. That way people could have the satisfaction of hitting a computer without jeopardizing their warantee.
9:26 AM
the girl in the red hat said…
I do like the idea of a floral design hammer. I have actually been looking for a pink toolkit for quite a while but alas, men have a strangle hold on the market and make sure that no such thing as an unmanly srewdriver is ever seen at Home Depot.
2:51 PM
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