New Feature: Babysitter's Review

-
Today we at Slowlane start a new feature: Babysitter's Review.

Baby Computer Games

For those of you who are losing sleep wondering how to teach your young children that your computer is not a toy, pay attention.

For those of you who remember with great nostalgia your years of hanging out with the gang at Sesame Street, be prepared.

For those of you who are looking into non-violent ways of inflicting pain, be amazed.

I present to you the following:
Sesame Street The Wiggles and Fisher-Price

I am sure there are more out there, but these are the ones I have had experience with.

I will begin by speaking to those of you who are looking for non-violent ways of inflicting pain, as you will have the least patience for reading all of the details.

1) Get child hooked on "Chicken Dance Elmo" found on Sesame Street.
2) Send child to intended victim while intended victim is in "comfort mode" on the computer.
3) Repeat and enjoy.

(Note: This works most effectively on men.)

For those of you who are hoping to remember Sesame Street with nostalgia...
When Elmo comes dancing on the screen singing "Barn in the USA" to the tune of "Born in the USA" it is officially time to go buy yourself some bifocals and a rocker.

For those of you who have trouble with little hands coming and conveniently finding the delete button...

Try Fisher-Price. They have several "games" where any key on the keyboard makes a fun, interesting sound rather than the "NO!!!! Don't touch!" that happens in real life. Their activities make a nice gate-way dru- I mean game.

Once you get bored at Fisher-Price, head on over to Sesame Street. As long as you stay away from "Chicken Dance Elmo" you should be able to feel like you are teaching your child valuable skills.

And the Wiggles? Only go there if your child is upset that they missed the Wiggles West Coast Live In Concert tour.

Comments

caedmonstia said…
Malu is very upset that she missed the tour.

So upset, in fact, that she raced into my bedroom, grabbed a brand-new pair of earplugs, ran outside, and chewed them vigorously until I was able to wrest them from her with the help of Priscilla.
4:34 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stone of Help

-
Image
For the longest time I thought “Ebenezer” was a cup. Not just any cup, mind you, one of those old drinking vessels that might also be called goblet or chalice. My reasoning, you see, was all based on the hymn, “Here I raise mine Ebenezer, hither by thy help I’m come.” To my little girl ears, it sounded like someone was proposing a toast, glass in hand to having made it so far. I know better now, but I still feel as if I am far more likely to toast how far I’ve made it than to set a large stone on end. But truthfully, I’m not very likely to do either. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not slighting the role God has had in bringing me as far as I am. And it’s not a lack of gratitude that turns me into being one of the nine lepers who never returned to thank Jesus for his healing. (At least, not always.) Instead, I’ve found that many times I don’t want to draw attention to what God has done for me because I worry it will make others feel as if I am intimating that I am a favor
Read more

The Crazy Market

-
There is a place here in Beijing that I (not so) affectionately call The Crazy Market. Imagine four floors of wall to wall shops, one shop selling the same thing that 15 other shops are selling, all displayed with bright colors and lights and each shop having two or three people who call out "Hello! What are you looking for?" "Hello! We give you good price!" "Hello! How many coats you want buy?" "Hello! We have your size shoe!" (This one makes me want to stop and say "Oh, I greatly doubt it.") "Hello! Nice pearls for you!" If you so much as look at an item, it is immediately assumed that you will buy it and so they call out "What is your highest price? We give you good discount." The only exception to this is the very bottom floor that is filled with every imaginable and unimagineable sea creature and various sea creature parts in various stages of life. This serves as a good aroma which frequently makes its way up t
Read more

The Right Trousers

-
Someone once told me that a friend of theirs received a package from an anonymous person that contained a pair of pants inside. It was mailed from across the country, yet the pair of pants was the right size and style for this particular person. Now I consider that to be a great mystery. But I also consider it a mystery that I wouldn't mind happening to me. Because, you see, playing with children wreaks havoc on my pants. Especially if I have the misfortune to sit down on some unknown substance which then leaves a very unfortunate colored stain in a very, very unfortunate spot. I may have to consider some creative patch work, but that, too, has its problems. I say this because I have another pair of pants that developed a hole the size of Montana near one of the back pockets. (Please do not speculate on the size of the pants based on the size of the hole.) My most beautiful sister, in what I thought was a display of pure magnanimous affection, bought me a couple of patches to fix t
Read more