Vice Stew

It typically isn't good when things like laziness, boredom, and impatience are the active ingredients in a meal. But that was the case for tonight's stew.

Boredom with my typical menu prompted me to start dreaming of a hearty beef stew. But first stinginess and then laziness kept me from buying the beef. Last week I found myself at one of my favorite places in all of LA County where the rows of inexpensive produce had me compulsively buying potatoes, carrots, zucchini, and a beautiful onion.

But laziness still kept me from other grocery shopping where I might have found stew meat.

Last night I was impatient, hovering in the kitchen with my eye on the washer, waiting for my roommates to be finished so that I could have clean towels for the week.

Their two sets of sheets saw me through peeling carrots, chopping onions, cleaning potatoes, and cutting zucchini.

But I still was too lazy to go get beef. So I pulled out the chicken leisurely defrosting in my nearly freezing fridge.

But as you all know, a hearty stew isn't a hearty stew without breading on the meat. And I don't have any flour. Or maybe it's sugar that I don't have. I should really check what is the white powder in the back of my cupboard. What I do know, is that I don't have any salt.

And as I stood staring in my cupboard, wondering what else I could do while I kept tabs on the washer, I spied cornbread mix.

Now this cornbread mix requires both milk and eggs to make delicious cornbread, and impatience caused me to use my last eggs two days ago because I was tired of how much space a nearly empty carton of eggs required of my half shelf in the fridge. But I thought that perhaps if I used it for the breading on the chicken, that it would forgive my lack of egg.

But then I remembered that an egg is usually what is used to keep the breading on the stew meat.

In brainstorming about what could possibly fill that same function, I remembered the plain yogurt I bought when inattentiveness assumed that the cup of yogurt was the same flavor as the other ones it was with.

After mixing the yogurt with a little bit of milk, I merrily proceeded to goop the chicken thoroughly in the cornbread mix.

And then I remembered that today I would be unable to come home for lunch. Nine hours is a long time to leave chicken in a crock pot. Nine hours is an extremely long time to leave bite-sized chicken pieces in a crock pot.

And so desperation decided to re-freeze the chicken overnight. Lack of fore-thought forgot to make sure that the shape of the frozen chicken would fit into the crock pot and so desperation left the lid balanced precariously on frozen chicken over hearty stew vegetables for nine long hours.

Folks, don't try this at home.

Nine hours is a very long time, and even the carrots and potatoes could tell you that. But I don't think I've had vice ever turn out so well. The biggest problem with the well-cooked stew? It didn't keep gluttony at bay.

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